


Where were you?

by Firstgay



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Winchester - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, Gabriel - Freeform, Happy Ending, Other, Sad Castiel, Sam Winchester - Freeform, Slight mentions of suicidal thoughts, castiel - Freeform, dean and cas - Freeform, very short chapters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2018-05-10 03:11:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5568607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Firstgay/pseuds/Firstgay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SPOILERS!!!<br/>If you haven't seen up to supernatural season 9 episode 19, read at your own risk.</p>
<p>Exactly 5 years after the death of his brother, Gabriel, Castiel is finally able to face hiss feelings, but is taken by surprise when an unexpected visitor shows up at the front door of the bunker covered in blood.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It has been exactly 5 years. 5 years since Gabriel has died. I've been trying my hardest not to let them see how much it's been hurting me, but as today has kept getting closer and closer it's been harder to stop the tears. 

At least when it actually happened I was able to distract myself because I was trying to stop Lucifer from ending the world, but now its really hard to keep busy. 

I can't let Sam and Dean know how sad I am. Dean gets very clingy when I'm sad and Sam won't let me go anywhere unless he tries to help me get over my it somehow. Even if it's something I can't get over.

I wish I was human again. Back when I was human I could eat food that would make me feel better. When I was human I could sleep and forget about things, even if it was just temporary. When I was human I could drink away the pain.

I can't do any of that now.

All that I can do is try to distract myself with the Winchesters so I won't think about how much I miss my brother. Sometimes that doesn't work though and I still end up sad. When that happens I just disappear so they won't see me crying over something I should've gotten over years ago.

I can't stand to see them worry about me.


	2. Chapter 2

I have been walking around town all night. The Winchesters will be up soon, so I should get back to the bunker.

Its about 3 miles away so it takes me an hour get there and by the time I'm welcomed home by the warm heater, Dean is already in his robe making eggs and baccon. 

"Good morning Dean."

"Hey Cas! Where you been?"

"Oh, I uh, was just walking. I needed to clear my head." 

Dean didn't say anything, he just turned around and looked at me, trying to get me to talk without pushing with words. 

When he realized that I wasnt going to say anything he turned back around to flip the baccon. 

"Breakfast'll be ready in 5"

"Smells great Dean" Sam says as he walks into the main room wearing sweats and a t-shirt. 

"It better. I woke up early for this."

I fake a small laugh.

"Where'd you go this morning Cas?" Sam asks.

"I just walked around."

"All night?" He raises an eyebrow.

"No. Not all night." I say looking down at the ground.

"You left last night when you thought I was asleep. I was up reading at 11:00 and I heard you leaving. You didn't come back until this morning. You were gone all night. Did something happen? Or... where you with someone?" He raises and eyebrow, walks over to me and jabs an elbow into my ribs.

Dean looks up from the bacon and stares at me waiting for an answer. 

"No. I wasn't with anyone, Sam. I was just walking around. Like I said." 

"All right then," Sam says in a singsong voice, "I guess I just don't understand why you would lie about the all night thing." 

I sit down and dean brings Sam and I a plate filled with eggs and 5 slices of bacon each. "I know you don't need to eat, Cas, but c'mon, you gotta try this. See of we can't get you back your taste."

I grab my fork and pick up some of the eggs. Dean had put salt, pepper, and cheese in it just like he did when I was human. They were my favorite. 

Dean looks at me. Hope filling his eyes. 

He's been trying to get me to feel things again. Human things. I think he thinks that's what's been making me so sad. 

I chew slowly trying ever so hard to taste something, anything. But nothing. 

Dean's face falls. 

"Maybe the bacon!"

Nope. Nothing. 

"Sorry Cas."

"It's okay Dean."

Just then Sam's phone starts ringing

"Hello?...  
Hey Jody! How's it been?...  
That's great...  
And Claire?...  
Ahaha of course...  
So what did you call for?...  
Vamp nest huh? Yeah, I should be able to come down there....  
Sounds great. Let me just hop in the shower and I'll be there as soon as possible...  
Uh huh...  
Thanks Jody...  
See you in a couple hours...  
Bye."

"That was Jody. She wants me to come down and help her kill a nest. She said Claire could help her but she's got to study for finals, so she asked me. Shouldn't take more than a day. Be back sometime tomorrow." Sam throws his food down his throat then quickly walks to the bathroom then turns the water on for his shower.

Dean and I sit in silence. I don't feel the need to eat so I just twirl my fork around in my eggs. 

"Listen Cas. I'm sorry about this whole grace thing. I know how much you liked being able to do stuff that you cant do anymore. I'm sorry that me and sam can do all those things. It sucks man. I just don't like seeing you upset." 

A small laugh comes out before I can stop it.

"What?" Dean asks, scooting closer to me.

"Uh, what? Nothing!"

"Cas." His piercing green eyes looking straight into mine are full of nothing but concern. 

I take a deep breath and decide that he's not gonna stop bothering me until I tell him what's wrong.

"I, uh. It's uh...it's the 5 year anniversary of my brothers death. Today." I don't dare look anywhere but the table because if I do, I won't be able to stop myself from crying. 

"Cas" Dean's voice is soft. I can tell he is searching for something to say that will comfort me.

"No, it-its fine. I've survived 5 years, what's another thousand+ more?" 

Sam turns off the water in the shower.

Dean gets out of his chair and kneels down next to me. I look at him and he has tears in his eyes. 

"I have no idea how it feels to loose your brother for this long, but I do know what its like to loose Sam. I know that I was willing to kill myself and damn myself to hell for all of eternity because of how much I wanted him alive. I also know that you must've done some crazy stuff to bring him back without us knowing. I'm sorry that I was able to get my brother back and you weren't. I feel like shit. I've felt like shit ever since he died. And I'm sorry." 

A single traitorous tear rolls down my cheek as Sam comes barreling through the room headed to the door. He glances at dean and me, and dean immediately shoots up from being very close to me to standing at a relatively normal distance. 

Sam pretends not to notice. "Alright, well, I'm gonna head out. I'll be back tomorrow."

He opens the front door and as he does so, a large figure falls down at his feet moaning. Dean and I cannot see what it is from where we're sitting, but Sam crouches down and moves it slightly. 

I stand up and see that it is a person covered in blood. Sam grabs their face and looks closer. When he does he gasps and says one word: 

"Gabriel"


	3. Chapter 3

"Gabriel?!"I stand up from where I am sitting, and Dean rushes back to his position as close to me as possible. 

"There is no way that's Gabe. He died 5 years ago." Dean grabs my arm for support, and looks at me to try and gauge my emotions. 

I have no idea how to react. My mind is rushing with all types of questions, all moving so fast I can't even properly comprehend them, let alone my brother being alive.

"Dean! Come help me!" Sam manages to get out as he struggles lifting the almost lifeless lump laying on the concrete outside our door.

Dean looks at me, asking if it is okay to leave me. I nod and he runs to aid Sam. The face is hard to make out from here because of all the blood, but as it gets closer I hear the smallest voice I have ever heard squeak, "Hey, Cassie." 

I can't stand anymore so I sit back down. There are so many emotions swirling inside of me right now: relief that he's alive, sadness for all those years I lost grieving over him, happiness that I have my brother back, anger because he's been hiding from me all these years, etc. and I don't even know which one I should be feeling right now.

"Take him into the safe room" Dean barks, carrying my brother's limp body.

I hear Sam and Dean set him down on the table. "Sam, go get the medical supplies from the other room. We need to try and see where the blood is coming from so we can stop it."

Sam runs from the room into the next, then back into the original room again, this time with a large white box. 

All I hear is the shuffling of medical supplies, but then it all stops. Silence. I get up from the table and walk into the safe room. I see Sam and Dean staring at my brother, not doing anything.

"Why did you stop?" I ask, fidgeting with the sleeve of my trench coat.

Dean is silent for a moment, "Why is he here? I-i mean here?" Dean gestures to the room. I'm guessing he means the bunker. "The last time we saw this guy, he was consorting with pagan gods! And are we forgetting who he is? He's the Trickster. He's the guy that killed me 103 times. In one day. If this is really him, then why would he wait this long to find us? And if it was him, couldn't he just be able to heal himself with his angel mojo? None of this adds up Cas." He rubs the back of his neck.

I pause and think for a minute. I look at Gabe and know what emotion I should be feeling: fear. Fear that I might loose him again. "I don't care Dean. I just want him back. You said that you know that I must have done some crazy things to try and bring him back, and I did. Even though you think this is insane, and it might be, I have to get him back. Somehow."

Dean looks at me knowing all too well what it's like to loose his brother, then grabs a wet cloth to start clearing the blood away from his face.

"Alright, Gabriel. I don't know if you can hear me, but Cas wants you better, so I'm gonna help you get better, but if you so much as try to make a run for it again, I will kill you."

I flinch at Dean's harsh words even though I know he wouldn't do something that would have such a traumatic impact on me. 

"Sam, go get the holy oil, and set it. We can't let this bastard get away."

Once Sam has enclosed the bed in a circle of holy fire, Dean looks at me, "Sorry Cas. I didn't even think if you wanted to get a closer look at him."

"No, it's fine dean. I'll just watch from here. Just save him. Please."

I watch the whole scene from the hallway. I can't bare to get any closer and see Gabriel this tortured. 

Sam and Dean jump over the holy fire and dab away the rest of the blood. "He's gonna need a couple sutures right here." Dean motions to a gash on the top of his forehead, "It's where most of this blood is coming from. Sam, you can do that much right?"

"Yeah."

"Alright, you get started on that and I'll check the rest of his body out. Hey, Cas?" Dean looks up at me from under his eyelashes.

"Uh, yes?" 

"Could you go call Jody and tell her sorry? I don't think Sam's gonna be able to make it." 

"Y-yes." I turn around to go back into the kitchen where it's quiet and grab my phone from the pocket of my trench coat. My fingers shake as I search for Jody's number. 

"Hello?"

"Hi Jody, It's Castiel."

"Oh, hey Cas. What's up?"

"Um, well, Dean wanted me to tell you that Sam's not going to be able to make it down there to help you with the vampire nest."

"Oh, really? What happened?"

"Um, I'm not so sure about that actually. Gabriel kind of just showed up at the bunker covered in blood and now they're trying to save him."

"Gabriel? Archangel Gabriel? Archangel Gabriel who died like 5 years ago? That Gabriel?"

"Yeah,  that Gabriel."

"Okay then. I guess Claire can take a break from studying for a couple hours to help me."

"Thanks for understanding Jody."

"No problem Cas... Wait, isn't he your...brother?" her tone suddenly becoming more maternal than friendly.

"Uh, yeah. Yes. Gabriel is my brother."

"Oh sweetie. I'm sorry. This must be really hard for you."

"Thanks. I'll get through it. It'll be a lot easier once he can talk so he can explain everything. But until then I just have to assume the best so I don't get discouraged, I guess."

"That's the right kind of attitude to have. Hang in there Cas. I'll be thinking about you."

"Thanks."


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey,  how're you doing Cas?" Sam says coming out of the safe room heading to the bathroom to wash the blood from his hands. 

"I'm fine. I just want to know how you and Dean are doing. I know you wanted to actually kill Gabriel after what he made you go through. Helping him, possibly saving his life, must be awful for you." My eyes won't lift from the table I have been starring at for the past 3 hours.

"Well Dean and I have had to deal with worse. We'll be okay." Sam comes to sit next to me at the table and clasps my shoulder, "He's doing well. I don't know what happened to him though. He was pretty beat up. I have no idea why his grace didn't automatically heal him, but Dean and I did the best we could. He hasn't woken up since he saw you, but his breathing and pulse rate is back to normal, so he'll be fine." 

Dean comes out of the room, washes his hands, grabs a beer from the fridge, then joins us at the table. 

"Well, we've done all that we could. He just needs to rest and when he wakes up he's gonna have a lot of explaining to do." He takes a swig from the glass bottle.

"What where his other injuries?" I finally peel my eyes away from the table to look at dean.

"Um, lets see. He has bruises all over, cuts all along his chest, arms, and legs, a black eye, and that pretty nasty cut on his head that Sam fixed up. So far he doesn't show signs of any broken bones. At first when I saw his chest, I thought he might've had a couple broken ribs, but he sounds like he's breathing fine. I don't know about any head trauma though. We'll have to find that out when he wakes up."

Dean takes a long drink from his beer, finishing half of it at once the his eyes go wide, "Sam, was it stupid to light that holy fire inside?"

Sam laughs, "Uh, no. It just burns where the oil is. Unless the oil spills the fire is contained to just that circle."

"Good, 'cause I was not letting that s.o.b. sleep where he could escape."

We fall into a comfortable silence. Even though I still haven't been able to work through my emotions yet, I am calm. Being here, like this, with Sam and Dean is where I belong. They are my family. The Winchesters are willing to give up their grudges to save the life of someone who took theirs. My real family would never do something like that for me. They are all too self involved. Sam and Dean are willing to do anything for whoever they love. I am glad that I am apart of that.

After about 10 minutes we hear shuffling coming from the safe room.

Dean is the first to speak, "Well, Lazarus has risen." 


	5. Chapter 5

Sam, Dean, and I run down the hallway to where the noise was coming from. With each step I take I can hear more groaning, and footsteps, and things crashing down to the ground.

Dean makes it to the doorway first, turns into the room and stops dead in his tracks, "What the hell?"

Sam and I have to push Dean into the room to see what he saw: Gabriel was up, walking around. Outside of the holy fire. 

He makes eye contact with me just as Dean rams into his body and tackles him to the ground.

"What are you doing outside of that fire? How did you get out?" Dean pins him down easily because Gabriel is in a lot of pain, clear by the expression on his face.

"Woah, Dean-o. Just calm down. Please. Cas, can you please get your boyfriend off of me?" Gabriel coughs. 

"I- uh" I don't know what to do, so I just kind of stand there.

Sam looks at me, and knows I'm not going to say anything so he speaks up, "Dean! Get off of him. You're hurting him!"

"He's gonna escape! He already got out of the holy fire somehow."

"He's an archangel. Do you really think that he'd stay with you holding him down if the holy fire didn't keep him trapped?"

Dean waits a couple seconds before he looks at me. I nod, and he stands up, yanking Gabriel up with him. 

"Well, I'm taking him down to the dungeon and chaining him up down there. With a circle of holy fire around him."

Dean pushes Gabriel in front of him with his hands behind his back, leads him down the stairs, through the doors of the library in the basement, waits for Sam to open the secret door behind the wall of books, and forces him into the chair in the middle of the room. 

After he has chains on all his arms and legs Sam, Dean, and I sit back and just stare at him not knowing where to start. 

"Well? Are you gonna ask me something, or are you just gonna stare at me until I take my clothes off? Because, we might be a little while with this whole kink thing. My hands are a little tied up."

"Shut up." Dean barks. His eyes narrowed.

"Dean." Sam looks at me, asking if I'm doing okay.

I nod, and finally speak up, "How are you still alive?"

Gabriel looks at me straight in the eyes. He looks guilty. Like he has seen how much pain he's caused me, but still stayed away all these years. 

"Do you want the short or the long version?" Even though he sounds genuinely sorry, he still has that glint of mischievousness that lets me know that this truly is my brother. No one else could ever fake that. Not even a creature made to be exactly like him. 

"Whatever will make us believe you." Dean says sharply.

Sam shoots him a glare. I know how much Sam hates him too, because Gabriel put him through so much, but he is putting me before all of those feelings because he knows how much I love my brother.

Dean sees and backs off.

"Alright." Gabriel clears his throat and begins thinking about where to begin.

"Well, you know how I died, right? Lucifer stabbed me with an angel blade? And you know that Lucifer hates all angels because we are righteous or whatever, right? Well, he hates the Archangels even more. The thing you don't know about archangels is that there is a way to kill us with the angel blade without actually killing us. What it does is it takes away our grace. All of it. And the thing is, no one knows how to do it. I don't even know how to do it. Lucifer must have found it somewhere in a tablet and had a prophet tell him about it. Oh, that's another thing. In these past 5 years, I've been running from different people who have been trying to get a tablet from me. First it was Lucifer, then Lillith, then Dick Roman, then Crowley and Abadon at the same time. That was rough. And now Mettatron and his minions that have been after me for the past year did this to me." 

He stops and the three of us are quiet as we try to understand what Gabriel just told us. 

"So when Lucifer killed you, he didn't really kill you? He just took away your grace?" Sam asks.

"Yup." 

"So you're human now?"

"Coooorrrect." 

"So that's how you escaped the holy fire. This really has no effect on you anymore." Dean says flatly.

"Wow, you are sooooo smart!" 

"You're human?" I ask. I knew something was off about him ever since I first saw him outside, but I was too distracted by everything flooding inside of me to pinpoint it. "How could I not see that you were human?" 

"It's okay, Cassie. I wouldn't have noticed either." Gabriel says trying to make me feel better.

It's quiet for about 30 seconds when Sam starts questioning again, "You said you were trying to keep a tablet safe? What tablet do you have?"

Gabriel begins to laugh, "Only the most powerful piece of stone in the world. It has the entire history of the Earth on it. From the dark beginning all the way to the fiery ending. God gave it to me before he left because he knew I could keep it safe. Luci wanted it because if he got that, then he wouldn't need to possess Sam, and have that battle with Michael. If Dick Roman got that, he could Speed up his process of killing off the human race, if Crowley or Abbadon got it, then that would make either one of them the true ruler of Hell. And if Mettatron gets it, then he can take over Heaven." 

"Where is it?" Dean asks.

"Well, if I told you that, then it wouldn't be hidden anymore. Just trust me. It is hidden somewhere where no one will be able to find it. I even had to hide it from myself because Mettatron will stop at nothing to get it from me."

"We've had Mettatron locked up though. Who did this to you?" I ask.

"You really think that Mettatron does the dirty work himself? Even if you guys weren't keeping him hostage, he wouldn't risk getting himself killed. He still has people who want to work for him. He's promised them everything if they do. Corrupt angels who visit him in angel jail who take his orders up there, then come try to kill me down here."

I can't believe this. There are still angels stupid enough to trust Mettatron?! 

I have so many more questions I need to ask him but when I open my mouth to ask him one, the only thing that comes out is, "Why didn't you come find us as soon as you became human. Why did you let me believe you've been dead all this time?"

Gabriel looks hurt, but he also knows this has been coming. 

"I did it to protect you." 

"Like hell" Dean scoffs, "You were just to scared to face me and Sam after what you did to us.

"You do know that I died to protect you right? You could be a little more grateful."

"Well, 1 right doesn't correct 103 wrongs." He crosses his arms and glares at Gabriel.

"Dean, Please." Dean looks at me, my tears almost spilling over the edge and he immediately regrets saying that.

He walks over to me, and puts a hand on my shoulder, "Hey, Cas. I didn't mean that. It's just that this is the first time I'm seeing him in so many years, so everything is just coming out. I'll back off. For you."

"Oh please. Get a room you too."

Dean takes a deep breath to calm himself down then walks back over to where he was standing before. 

"I watched everything you did. I followed you everywhere for the first year, but then when Dick came along I was a danger to you all. When Dean and Cas were in Purgatory I watched over Sam and made sure no one would hurt him because he let his guard down. If I had been with you all, then things would've been so much worse than they were. You don't know how much I wanted to tell you Cas. I know how much you missed me. How much you blamed my death on yourself. How much you hated yourself because you couldn't bring me back. I hated myself because I watched you, and I wasn't able to help you feel better. I hated myself because I saw you. I saw what you almost did that one night when you came back from purgatory. I hated myself because I didn't even try to stop you. I could-"

"Stop it!" I yell, cutting him off.

I run out of the dungeon, run upstairs, then run out of the bunker. I get onto the road, then run until I can't anymore. 


	6. Chapter 6

I don't know how far away I am from the bunker, but the sun is now in the middle of the sky, so I must have been running for at least 2 hours. I don't know where I am, but I don't care. If I had stayed, Gabriel would've told Sam and Dean what I tried to do. Hopefully he didn't when I left. I just had to get out of there.

I slow my pace to a brisk walk, and I come across Star's Pet Store. I stop at the door and see my reflection in the glass door. My eyes are red from crying and I'm still out of breath. My trench coat looks faded from the sun. I've been running too much lately. 

I push the door open and a bell chimes. A tall woman who looks like she is in her late 40s welcomes me with a smile, "Welcome to Star's Pet Store. Is there something in particular you were looking for?"

"Um, I-i don't know." I grab the strap that drapes around the waist of my trench coat and run it through my fingers.

"Alright then. Well, there is a puppy adoption today. Do you want to see them? Even if you don't think you'd want to adopt one they have a habit of cheering people up." She looks at me like a wounded animal. I guess I kind of am.

"Okay." I drop the strap and follow her to the back towards the sound of puppies barking.

There is a pin set up on the ground with 6 golden retriever puppies running around, pulling on each other's tails and ears, and jumping over one another trying to get closer to me as I approach.

"Here you go." She smiles at me as she opens the door to the pin. 

I walk inside and immediately the puppies are tripping over themselves and others to try and run towards the me. The climb over each other trying to jump up my leg to reach me. 

Their tails hit everything in their path as they wag back and forth. They start wining when I just stand there, so I sit down with my back against the wall of the pin. 

As soon as I touch the ground I am tackled buy 6 wet noses, and 24 paws. I can't help but laugh as they climb all over me, and lick my face trying to get me to play with them over the other dogs in the pin. 

I play with the golden retriever puppies for a good 30 minutes before I am interrupted by the sight of a man standing in front of me with scars and bruising all over his body. My heart sinks as I look toward the front of the store and see outside the window a 1967 Chevrolet Impala with Sam and Dean Sitting in the front seat.


	7. Chapter 7

"How-"

"I knew you would come here." Gabriel says before I could get out another word, "Animals always cheer you up." He smiles down at me as if he is remembering all the times when I would get upset and run to a pet shop so Sam and Dean wouldn't see me upset. "I don't want to sound cocky or anything, but I always thought you liked puppies the best because they reminded you of me."

That is exactly why they are my favorite. 

"Castiel. Please. Say something." 

Where did that lady go? Why can't she tell him to leave me alone? I just need to calm down before I say anything. 

"Listen. I'm sorry, Cas. You don't know how sorry I am. Every day I saw you just made me feel more and more guilty that I didn't stop you. I guess then the only reason I didn't was because I was scared that if I couldn't stop you, Sam and Dean would find out and blame me. I would never forgive myself. Then I would-" he stops speaking because he starts crying.

I stand up, leave the pin, much to the protest of the 6 puppies, and walk to Gabriel. I have no idea what to do or say, but when I finally reach him all I do is wrap my arms around him. When Gabriel realizes that he is finally hugging me after all these years he starts crying even more. When I realize that I am hugging my brother, the one person who I thought I would never see again, all the tears I told myself not to cry during the past 5 years began to pour down my face. 

I don't know how long we embrace but when we finally pull apart the woman is back, surprise evident on her face, "Um, I'll come back later then." Then she walks to the front of the shop. 

We both laugh, and wipe the tears from our faces, "Ha, I wonder what she thinks about my face." Gabriel says.

I laugh, then tug on the sleeves of my trench coat, the air returning to the uncomfortable stage it was when he showed up. 

"Um did you tell Sam and Dean what uh- what you were talking about when I, uh, ran?"

"No. I didn't think you'd want them to find out. I know you've been trying to be strong so they wouldn't worry about you."

"Thanks." We fall silent for a couple minutes, then something comes to mind, "Gabriel?"

"Yeah?"

"Um, was that you? When Mettatron was trying to get me to be on his side?" My eyes fall to the floor.

"I figured this question was coming." He scratches the back of his neck, "Yes. That was me."

"But you had your grace then. It was barely a year ago. How did you have your grace?"

"I'm not proud of that answer, but you deserve to know." he sighs, "Mettatron had captured me and was trying to get me on his side because he figured that if I was with him, then he could convince me to give him the tablet. He told me that if I joined him then he could return my powers that Lucifer took from me. I agreed. When he gave me back my grace, he told me that in order for his plan to work, you needed to join too. He had his minions torture me when he first captured me, and I let it slip that you had missed me and wished that I was still there. He knew that if it was me trying to get you on his side, he had a better chance. But when you didn't listen to me, it made me realize how messed up I had become. As soon as I realized what a horrible person I had become Mettatron zapped me out of there and I ran. I escaped and hid from him. I had my borrowed grace so I was able to stay hidden for a while. But then that grace ran out, and they were able to find me. They found me and did this to me." He pointed to his face.

I don't know what to say at first. I'm just trying to take it all in. After a couple minutes of standing there in silence I finally speak up, "I forgive you."

Gabriel doesn't say anything, but tears start to form in his eyes again.

"I forgive you. I don't care that you didn't try to stop me from killing myself. I don't care that you almost ended the entire world. All I care about is that you are my brother and you came back. It doesn't matter how long it took you either. I'm just glad that you are here now."

Gabriel starts sobbing and I hug him again as tight as I possibly can, so he knows how true I am when I say that I forgive him. 

We hug for what seems like forever again, and when we pull apart Gabriel clears the tears from his face, "Thank you" he chokes out. 

Once the both of us calm down, we decide that we should go back to the impala. 

When we slide into the back seat, Sam and Dean both looked at us, curiosity blatant on their faces. Gabriel and I don't say anything so they turn forward and drive back to the bunker. 

We don't speak the whole way back, but it actually feels comfortable. Other than the fact that Sam and Dean don't know what Gabriel and I just worked through I have a great sense of peace that I haven't felt in a very long time. 


	8. Chapter 8

We get back to the Bunker and the sun is already starting to set. 

"I'll go make me and Sam some burgers." Dean says setting the keys to the impala on the table in the main room. 

Gabriel looks up at dean, "Um. Do you think maybe-"

"Oh yeah! That's right. I'm sorry Gabe. I forgot you were human... What do you want on yours?"

"Just whatever you have. I don't mind. I haven't eaten since yesterday so whatever is fastest."

"Okay, I'll have them out as soon as I can." 

Dean seems kind of awkward around Gabriel. I think it's because he is trying to forgive him, but he isn't quite ready yet. 

Sam, Gabriel and I sit around the table making small talk until Dean is finished cooking. We talk about how Gabe is feeling. He says he feels mostly better, except for the soreness and the wound on his head, but he said he'd be fine. 

When Dean finishes the burgers he brings them out and sets one in front of each of us, including me. I look up at him questioningly. 

"We gotta keep trying, right?"

I smile at him, and he sits down next to me. 

We all start eating, but I still can't taste anything. I decide to eat the whole thing for Dean though. 

Gabriel moans into his burger, "Oh my god. This is the best thing I've ever tasted!" 

We all laugh. I look around the table at all of the smiling faces, and think back to that one night. I think about how lonely I felt, and how I could not see it getting any better. Then I think about how happy I feel right now, in this moment. 

"Thank you, guys."

"For what?" Dean says through a mouthful of burger.

"For this. You and Sam don't know this, but a while ago, I was done. I didn't see a way around this. I thought Gabriel's death was my fault, and I blamed myself every day for it. All those times that I would just disappear, it was because I didn't want you guys to see me like that. And Dean, when we were in Purgatory, I knew I could escape with you, I just didn't see the point. I was so close at one point. I almost-" 

Dean puts a hand on my shoulder, "Cas. It's okay. You don't have to. I know it was really hard on you, and whatever you did, or almost did, or tried to do, none of that matters. That was in the past. Trust me. Loosing Sam drove me to do some messed up things, most of which I would never want to bring up again, but none of that matters anymore. It made me who I am today, and that made you who you are today. We don't have to bring it up if we don't have to. It's done." 

"Thank you." I choke back tears as Dean stands up to hug me. 

I stand up too, and we hug for a while. Sam and Gabe just stare at us and after about a minute Gabriel finally speaks up, "Get a room."

"Haha." Dean says flatly sitting back down. 

"Since we're already on this serious subject matter, I guess I kind of have something I need to say too," Gabriel begins, "So, I've done a lot of stuff that I'm not proud of. I can't even begin to apologize for all of the things I've put you guys through, but I want to try. Back when I did all those things to you Sam and Dean, I was immature and just trying to entertain myself. When I think about what I did, even just what I did at that mystery shack, I start hating myself. You are great people, who don't deserve all of the shit that life throws at you, then you had to go through what I put you through. How can I sit here and pretend that everything is okay? I know that I don't deserve you two to forgive me, I beg that you do, because I really miss you guys. I know how much Cas loves you, and I just want to be a part of something like this. He seems to be so much better now that he has you two and-"

"It's okay Gabriel. I forgive you." Sam looks into Gabriel's eyes so he can tell how sincere he is. He really means it. 

Gabriel starts tearing up, but chokes them down.  

All eyes turn to Dean. He is the only one who hasn't forgiven him yet. 

Dean looks at his empty plate, and sighs, "Yes. I forgive you. I shouldn't be condemning anybody for the stupid mistakes they made when they were younger. I mean, I sold my soul. But, no chick flick moments okay? You're part of the family now. No big deal."

Gabriel shakes his head, and we all laugh, relieved that the big ominous cloud of the past has dissipated. 

"So who wants a beer?" Dean asks getting up.

Sam and Gabriel raise their hands. I would try one, but I wouldn't want to waste a beer. Dean brings 4 beers to the table though and slides one across to each of us. 

"I'm not going to stop until you can taste again." He laughs, "Even if I have to waste a good beer on you."

We spend the rest of the night drinking, and talking, and laughing. Mindful of our dark history, but ignoring it. 

Even though the four of us have been through more hard times than anyone I have ever known, we are happy here. 

Together. 

Why?

Because we are family. 


End file.
